My female director was quite liberal in how she shows up (self declared). In fact, one time she assessed me as a “prude” because I did not think conversations about sexual escapades should be had in the office or with coworkers (especially those who report into you or you report into). Over the course of 4 years, she has slapped my butt jokingly, commented about other married men openly saying that she’d be “DTF”, taken her team out for drinks and opened up about affairs in the office, and also openly exclaimed to a male coworker “if you weren’t married, I’d kiss you right now” after he gave her good news about a business win. Her behaviours would be grounds for harassment if she was male. But she would downplay them as silly and non-offensive because she’s a female. Her senior colleagues also did not see her behaviours as harmful.
I was vocal about the experiences I’ve had with her when I left the company. I also make sure to address issues like this immediately as it happens. Addressing it later can stir up confusion, change of facts, denial and so on. Empowering others to open up and train them to have agency is a big focus of mine.
I naturally became closed off around her, and sometimes disgusted at how this was happening openly and no one thought it was shocking. All behaviour no matter who it comes from, but especially when it comes from those of authority need to be addressed immediately. It made me feel like we had no power, even with our own bodies and personal stories.